Saynine

The Beautiful Dimming Light

I have always loved choking partners. Whether it be to full unconsciousness or simply the installing of fear and exerting control. And while it is one of the most controversial forms of edge play I believe that it can a beautiful form of play between informed partners, And while I have linked here to one of the most vocal detractors of “Breath Play”, I simply do not agree with his global condemnation of it.

When I refer to choking in this essay, I am actually referring to control of a partner by hands or arm holds on the throat, and the actual process of causing a partner to become unconscious by temporarily restricting blood flow to the brain. Also known as a “Blood Choke“. I will not instruct on how to perform such acts here.

Choking was one of my very earliest expressions of kink. In my early teens i put my hands on the throat of a girl that I was fucking and squeezed. I had no instruction as to prior consent for such acts, only consent for sex itself. I am quite fortunate in that the girl enjoyed this and did in fact consent. This desire to choke is something I have carried and often struggled with for now over 30 years.

I have in the last few years added in using my belt for this play, and even more recently acquired a choking collar that has an additional leather flap that eliminates the pesky problem of skin being pulled into the buckle.

I have wondered what it was like for the other partner. What they feel. Some show fear. But recently I have started playing with a partner that shows no fear. I have referred to her as “Cat Allergy Girl” on twitter because4 her allergies and my pet ownership were an initial partnership. But her Fetlife name is Purple_Platypus. PP recently wrote a short essay on how it feels to be choked out, after a play session in which I choked her unconscious six times in less than two hours.

 

Choking, I like it. I like to see the world dim, feel the humming in my ears, the tingle of my fingers. I like to watch him, look him in the eyes as he chokes the light out of mine. I don’t fight it, I welcome it. I think I smile, but it’s hard to tell. I’m busy feeling. I don’t struggle, I just let it come. The darkness. It slips in from the corners, you don’t notice it at first, but then it’s like looking through a tunnel. I focus on his eyes, he’s a little fuzzy now. I hear the hum starting, I feel it in my head. Now my hands tingle, it won’t be long now it’s like looking through a pinhole, the darkness is swallowing me up. I’m not afraid. I let it swallow me whole and all the lights went out.

The second act;

I hear something, what is it? And why do my arms tingle? I like it, I’m still in the dark, I can’t see, but I can feel. It feels like the hum in my ears is running electricity through my body. No pain, just tingles. Gently I begin to remember, I come out of the dark and what I feel is joy. No fear, no worry, no stress, no pain, no thiught, just joy. I can see his eyes now, he’s been watching the light come back in my eyes. I smile or maybe I was already smiling.

Her conclusion;

I know it not the last time I’ll watch the lights go out.

I hope you enjoy this peek from the other side as much as I did.

Please do not participate in any play that both or all partners are not well aware of, and consent to the risks associated. I have been successfully choking people for years, and PP has been participating in Judo for years, she has been choked out many times in her Judo practice.

Tags: BDSM, Breath Play, Choking, Consent, Play, RACK, Top, Trust

Return of the Mindfuck

My birthday was to be a complete surprise. Jewelgen, Ice_Empress, and Winsome_Gypsy had apparently been conspiring for some time to give a dominant sadist the very best birthday possible. I was lead to believe I would be leaving for a weekend away with Jewelgen to a destination unknown. I was instead driven to a local luxury hotel were the other two girls were waiting to help deliver to me a night of service and play.

Nothing had gone unplanned. my favorite food and drink were waiting and the girls beautifully waiting in accenting lingerie. Things started off very relaxing, but of course proceeded to play. There was all that you would expect when a sadist is given free reign with three beautiful women. There was foot worship, Violet Wand play, some fantastic takedown play between Jewelgen and me, as well as some spanking for all.

My harder play attention turned to Winsome_Gypsy as the two other girls watched with glee. I had been spanking her and choking her quite soundly when she began to slip into a beautiful subspace. Then I began playing one of my favorite games with Gypsy. I pulled my folding knife from my pocket and began tracing lines on her back, and then reaching from behind, her front. I have to tell you that Gypsy is terrified of my knife, and especially when it comes to her nipples. Even though she has incredible trust for me, she has a deep seeded fear of losing her nipples. my knife is very sharp, even on the tip, but I am very careful and adept with it. I use it to scratch but never cut deeply. But no matter. It’s mere presence drives Gypsy into a headspace to where she cannot force her own eyes open, even on command, and standing becomes very difficult to her.

I traced lines around her nipples and even caressed her with the sharp side of the blade. All the while standing behind her, reaching around, with my hand on her throat. Breathing hot into her ear. she trembled and begged me not to cut her. I stole a glance at the girls. Their giddy excitement just gave energy to my evil progression. I passed the blade gingerly over her throat, as I held her perfectly steady, so there were no accidents. Gypsy’s sobs filled the room, and I  could truly taste the fear in the air. And then it happened.

I have in the past planned elaborate mindfucks, but this one fell into place in a way that I could have never planned. I looked up at Jewelgen, and it fell into place in an instant. Jewelgen and I have co-topped on more than a few occasions, and it has been remarked on by observers and recipients alike, that we seem to join evil minds. We rarely speak, we nod, or gesture, sometimes it is just a look. I looked at Jewelgen, and she knew instantly what I wanted. she moved quickly to the bathroom and ran warm water to soak a washcloth. she quickly brought it and stood by my side. Gypsy was completely unaware of what was going on, as she was paralyzed with fright. Her eyes locked shut.

I looked at Jewelgen, then pressed the dull side of the knife hard against Gypsy’s throat, and then slid it quickly across with pressure. Jewelgen squeezed the warm water out of the cloth onto Gypsy’s neck. The warm water ran down her tits in a river as Gypsy let out a scream that was appropriate for her murder. She grasped at her throat, knowing that she had been cut and the blood poured down her. “No No” she cried over and over. She was sure I had cut her and her blood was draining her life as she cried.

The continued effect of this mindfuck surprised even me, as I insist that Gypsy open her eyes and see that she had not been cut, but even when she opened her eyes it was obvious that she was surely seeing her own blood on her chest.

I grabbed her tight and told her over and over that she was ok, and just when I thought she understood, she saw the puddle on the nearby bed, and on the floor, and she commented on how the blood would leave a stain. The rest of us could not suppress a laugh. we were not making fun of Gypsy, but the comic break in the tension was unbearable.

I calmed Gypsy and tucked her into bed. She curled into a fetal ball, and sucked her thumb. It was truly a beautiful sight, as I petted her hair as she slipped away into her half sleep, half subspace place. When she was still the two other girls and I relaxed and retraced the the beauty of this incredible impromptu mindfuck scene.

That, my friends is how I spent the celebration of my 45 years on this earth. I hope your next birthday is as enjoyable.

My girl, Winsome_Gypsy has written a companion post to give you a peek at her perspective on this scene. Please, go read it, enjoy it, and leave some fantastic comments

Tags: aftercare, BDSM, Birthday, Blood, Consent, Dominant, Knife, Messy, Mindfuck, Play, Sadist, submissive, Top, Trust

Anatomy of a Mindfuck

Despite my imposing physical presence one of my favorite forms of play exists only on a cerebral level. Things said and unsaid leading up to and during a scene can have far more impact that any blow from a quirt or flogger. The results of a well played Mindfuck can be devastatingly beautiful.

In my youth I discovered I could use my intelligence to manipulate those around me, both my peers and adults. I wish I could say I used this power for good but that simply wasn’t the case. I found that by making simple statements that communicated a shell of an idea and then leaving much unspoken I could lead the listener to fill in the blanks with thought that were worse than anything I could dream up.

When I met Jewelgen I found someone who was not fond of manipulation in daily life and called me on it until I nearly broke the habit.

Several years ago I was reading a book by John and Libby Warren titled “The Loving Dominant”. I got to a section titled “Mindfuck”, when I read this chapter the heavens opened up and trumpets played. The author described using disinformation and half formed information to create excitement in your partner.  He described a scene in which a partner had been begging for a brand and he was not willing to give it to her but decided to use this idea to build an elaborate Mindfuck. He used a setup that would be used for branding and set the scene as if that is exactly what he was going to do. Using ritual to increase the anticipation he eventually blindfolded the bottom and continued building her anticipation until he eventually placed ice against her skin and the resulting shock from the sensation convinced her that she was being branded, which resulted in an amazingly orgasmic climax.

Trust is the key to a truly successful Mindfuck though. Engendering an enormous level of trust from your partner is absolutely necessary. One of the first things I say to a prospective partner when beginning negotiations for play is “I will never intentionally violate any hard limit you have, even if I lead you to believe I am going to”. I do not make a huge production of mentioning it but I simply include it in conversation. This lays the groundwork for many sorts of games.

I was approached by a submissive woman in a distant city about getting together to play when she would be in my area several weeks later. We began negotiation and I told her I wanted her to surrender control over several parts of her daily routine so she could become familiar with surrendering control to me. We spread negotiations over a week or so and I intentionally mention many things that I knew I would not consider doing in initial play. I also asked about things that I knew would create a bit of fear and worry. I also constantly reassured her that I would not do anything she could not handle and then almost immediately begin the mental pressure again. At one point I told her that “I don not break my toys” which simultaneously reassured her but created the mental image that she would be an object during play. I believe the desired affect was achieved.  When we met to play she was nearly out of her mind with fear and anticipation which set the stage for some very fun play.

However, by far my favorite Mindfuck ever was perpetrated against my favorite play partner, Jewelgen. Many folks assume that Jewelgen and I get to play out elaborate scenes on a regular basis but with a houseful of teens this simply isn’t the case. Often our more elaborate play occurs in public play spaces. Our lives had been particularly busy and we had not played in a while and were both anticipating a weekend that both of our kids would be gone all weekend. As our time grew near I began pouring on the mental pressure, telling her that we were going to play harder than we had ever played and I was going to push all of her limits. Our play started slowly but built up as the time ticked on. I eventually had her bound with her arms behind her and an athletic bandage around her head as a blindfold. I was spanking her and handling her quite rough as she began moving into one of the deeper subspaces I have ever seen her in. I had her on her knees on the floor and bent her over the couch. I filled my hand with lube and spread it on her asshole and whispered in her ear that I was quite tired of her longstanding hard limit on anal penetration and was no longer going to tolerate it. I went on for several minutes like this while she whimpered and I told her she was in no position to argue. She felt my hard cock press against her ass cheeks and I immediately masturbated her pussy until she had a massive orgasm.

Of course I had never intended to violate her limit and I think somewhere she new that was true but in the moment she did not know what to believe and this lead to a state of complete loss of control, which of course is incredibly erotic.

The term Mindfuck has in some circles become synonymous with fucking with someone’s head non-consensually. I think that is the wrong use of the word. Non-consensual equals rape and so I think the proper term for that sort of abuse is Mind-Rape. Fucking is not a negative act so neither should Mindfucking.

Tags: BDSM, Limits, Mindfuck, Negotiation, Trust