Saynine

The Beautiful Dimming Light

I have always loved choking partners. Whether it be to full unconsciousness or simply the installing of fear and exerting control. And while it is one of the most controversial forms of edge play I believe that it can a beautiful form of play between informed partners, And while I have linked here to one of the most vocal detractors of “Breath Play”, I simply do not agree with his global condemnation of it.

When I refer to choking in this essay, I am actually referring to control of a partner by hands or arm holds on the throat, and the actual process of causing a partner to become unconscious by temporarily restricting blood flow to the brain. Also known as a “Blood Choke“. I will not instruct on how to perform such acts here.

Choking was one of my very earliest expressions of kink. In my early teens i put my hands on the throat of a girl that I was fucking and squeezed. I had no instruction as to prior consent for such acts, only consent for sex itself. I am quite fortunate in that the girl enjoyed this and did in fact consent. This desire to choke is something I have carried and often struggled with for now over 30 years.

I have in the last few years added in using my belt for this play, and even more recently acquired a choking collar that has an additional leather flap that eliminates the pesky problem of skin being pulled into the buckle.

I have wondered what it was like for the other partner. What they feel. Some show fear. But recently I have started playing with a partner that shows no fear. I have referred to her as “Cat Allergy Girl” on twitter because4 her allergies and my pet ownership were an initial partnership. But her Fetlife name is Purple_Platypus. PP recently wrote a short essay on how it feels to be choked out, after a play session in which I choked her unconscious six times in less than two hours.

 

Choking, I like it. I like to see the world dim, feel the humming in my ears, the tingle of my fingers. I like to watch him, look him in the eyes as he chokes the light out of mine. I don’t fight it, I welcome it. I think I smile, but it’s hard to tell. I’m busy feeling. I don’t struggle, I just let it come. The darkness. It slips in from the corners, you don’t notice it at first, but then it’s like looking through a tunnel. I focus on his eyes, he’s a little fuzzy now. I hear the hum starting, I feel it in my head. Now my hands tingle, it won’t be long now it’s like looking through a pinhole, the darkness is swallowing me up. I’m not afraid. I let it swallow me whole and all the lights went out.

The second act;

I hear something, what is it? And why do my arms tingle? I like it, I’m still in the dark, I can’t see, but I can feel. It feels like the hum in my ears is running electricity through my body. No pain, just tingles. Gently I begin to remember, I come out of the dark and what I feel is joy. No fear, no worry, no stress, no pain, no thiught, just joy. I can see his eyes now, he’s been watching the light come back in my eyes. I smile or maybe I was already smiling.

Her conclusion;

I know it not the last time I’ll watch the lights go out.

I hope you enjoy this peek from the other side as much as I did.

Please do not participate in any play that both or all partners are not well aware of, and consent to the risks associated. I have been successfully choking people for years, and PP has been participating in Judo for years, she has been choked out many times in her Judo practice.

Tags: BDSM, Breath Play, Choking, Consent, Play, RACK, Top, Trust

Return of the Mindfuck

My birthday was to be a complete surprise. Jewelgen, Ice_Empress, and Winsome_Gypsy had apparently been conspiring for some time to give a dominant sadist the very best birthday possible. I was lead to believe I would be leaving for a weekend away with Jewelgen to a destination unknown. I was instead driven to a local luxury hotel were the other two girls were waiting to help deliver to me a night of service and play.

Nothing had gone unplanned. my favorite food and drink were waiting and the girls beautifully waiting in accenting lingerie. Things started off very relaxing, but of course proceeded to play. There was all that you would expect when a sadist is given free reign with three beautiful women. There was foot worship, Violet Wand play, some fantastic takedown play between Jewelgen and me, as well as some spanking for all.

My harder play attention turned to Winsome_Gypsy as the two other girls watched with glee. I had been spanking her and choking her quite soundly when she began to slip into a beautiful subspace. Then I began playing one of my favorite games with Gypsy. I pulled my folding knife from my pocket and began tracing lines on her back, and then reaching from behind, her front. I have to tell you that Gypsy is terrified of my knife, and especially when it comes to her nipples. Even though she has incredible trust for me, she has a deep seeded fear of losing her nipples. my knife is very sharp, even on the tip, but I am very careful and adept with it. I use it to scratch but never cut deeply. But no matter. It’s mere presence drives Gypsy into a headspace to where she cannot force her own eyes open, even on command, and standing becomes very difficult to her.

I traced lines around her nipples and even caressed her with the sharp side of the blade. All the while standing behind her, reaching around, with my hand on her throat. Breathing hot into her ear. she trembled and begged me not to cut her. I stole a glance at the girls. Their giddy excitement just gave energy to my evil progression. I passed the blade gingerly over her throat, as I held her perfectly steady, so there were no accidents. Gypsy’s sobs filled the room, and I  could truly taste the fear in the air. And then it happened.

I have in the past planned elaborate mindfucks, but this one fell into place in a way that I could have never planned. I looked up at Jewelgen, and it fell into place in an instant. Jewelgen and I have co-topped on more than a few occasions, and it has been remarked on by observers and recipients alike, that we seem to join evil minds. We rarely speak, we nod, or gesture, sometimes it is just a look. I looked at Jewelgen, and she knew instantly what I wanted. she moved quickly to the bathroom and ran warm water to soak a washcloth. she quickly brought it and stood by my side. Gypsy was completely unaware of what was going on, as she was paralyzed with fright. Her eyes locked shut.

I looked at Jewelgen, then pressed the dull side of the knife hard against Gypsy’s throat, and then slid it quickly across with pressure. Jewelgen squeezed the warm water out of the cloth onto Gypsy’s neck. The warm water ran down her tits in a river as Gypsy let out a scream that was appropriate for her murder. She grasped at her throat, knowing that she had been cut and the blood poured down her. “No No” she cried over and over. She was sure I had cut her and her blood was draining her life as she cried.

The continued effect of this mindfuck surprised even me, as I insist that Gypsy open her eyes and see that she had not been cut, but even when she opened her eyes it was obvious that she was surely seeing her own blood on her chest.

I grabbed her tight and told her over and over that she was ok, and just when I thought she understood, she saw the puddle on the nearby bed, and on the floor, and she commented on how the blood would leave a stain. The rest of us could not suppress a laugh. we were not making fun of Gypsy, but the comic break in the tension was unbearable.

I calmed Gypsy and tucked her into bed. She curled into a fetal ball, and sucked her thumb. It was truly a beautiful sight, as I petted her hair as she slipped away into her half sleep, half subspace place. When she was still the two other girls and I relaxed and retraced the the beauty of this incredible impromptu mindfuck scene.

That, my friends is how I spent the celebration of my 45 years on this earth. I hope your next birthday is as enjoyable.

My girl, Winsome_Gypsy has written a companion post to give you a peek at her perspective on this scene. Please, go read it, enjoy it, and leave some fantastic comments

Tags: aftercare, BDSM, Birthday, Blood, Consent, Dominant, Knife, Messy, Mindfuck, Play, Sadist, submissive, Top, Trust

Sub-Space, Wish You Were Here

I recently put out to the twitter world that I was looking for questions. I have decided to write and post more often and I am often asked questions in Private Messages, so this seemed to be a perfect opportunity to generate inspiration. So I asked, and not 30 seconds later there it was staring at me.

Can you define “subspace” in your blog? I have an idea what it is but have never experienced it.

Ugh, no seriously. There is almost no way to answer this question that will not almost certainly piss someone off, or generate a storm of criticism. So right off the bat I am going to address why I have no business answering this question, and then in very typical style for me, do it anyways.

I am neither a sub, nor a switch, nor even a bottom, thus I cannot possibly form an informed position or opinion on what sub-space (or as some folks insist “bottom-space”) is. I learned this lesson when my ass was handed to me because I made the mistake of commenting on the fact that vibrators may affect female orgasm over time. The League of Sex Blogging Authority told me in very certain terms, that since I was lacking a clitoris, I had no business discussing this subject at all. . . . .  No I lied; I learned no lesson at all.

The second problem is that it is nearly impossible to find two people who agree on what sub-space is, or how it is achieved. So as in the previously mentioned controversy I intend to use information I have gathered from my direct observation, anecdotal information, and the direct assistance from some friends who are more qualified to comment as they have in fact achieved this mysterious state of being.

The “sub-space” vs. “bottom-space” question apparently revolves around the question of whether a person can achieve this state only through physical pain, which generates mind-altering chemicals, or if actions of submission can generate the same response. Of course this is only conjecture. It would seem that our brain would create these altered states as a form of protection, to blunt the impact of difficult circumstance. Now as I discussed in a previous post, I am convinced that submitting and receiving pain in a consensual situation are not all that different. I think they are both struggles against what can be thought of as situations that humans don’t normally experience. So as an extension of this argument, why wouldn’t the human mind have the capability to generate a protective response in a situation of having ones control of their environment and even actions removed? So In my rarely humble opinion, this argument is best left for folks who are far more concerned with such hair splitting than me.

So what does sub-space feel like? I asked my friend kitty (@The_Sub_Mission) for help with this.

Subspace for me, is a very deep, relaxed state that feels almost trance like. When I am in subspace, I tend to talk in third person. “Kitty will get that for you, Master.” I am very driven by direct orders, and have a hard time thinking for myself. Responding to anything besides direct “Yes Master” or “Right away Master” becomes difficult. Words escape me, and I have a hard time remembering them. Truthfully, when I get so deep that talking becomes difficult, Master will pull me out a little bit until I am able to speak a bit better. This always makes me a bit cranky. While I don’t snap or anything on the outside, the little voice inside my head is always upset when Master does this. Subspace is very pleasant for me, and getting pulled out is not fun.

Kitty also added;

I have found that the quickest ways for me to achieve subspace is when Master either deprives me of one or more senses (vision, touch, etc), or having a very high protocol scene. The more rules that are implemented in either our play, or our daily lives, the quicker I will reach subspace.

I do not reach subspace every time we play, and subspace is not usually the goal of play.

Her latter statements clearly indicate that kitty, can reach sub-space through non-pain oriented play.

As a Dom/Sadist/Top, I find that sub-space can be a double-edged sword. Sub-space can be delicious to induce. Like orgasm it can be used as a signpost that what you are doing is working. Many sub/bottom play partners also desire it. The down side is that it shifts even more of the responsibility for the physical and mental safety of the bottom to the Top. In this state the bottom often cannot judge their own physical state. As kitty mentioned, it is sometimes necessary for her Master to pull her out a bit. I have been in the situation where I felt it was necessary to dial play back a bit, or take a break due to a deepening sub-space.

There is an anecdote that has long stuck with me. It was related to me by the Master of a slave that was known for her very rapid decent into a deep sub-space. A gangbang situation had been negotiated and the slave desired this. During the course of initial play she quickly achieved a very deep sub-space. This was not unexpected and the gang-play proceeded. Sometime during penetration she came out of space for unspecified reasons and was agitated that she was being penetrated by someone other that her Master. Now this is obviously an extreme and cautionary tale, however it does serve to underscore the consideration that must be given by the partners of anyone prone to descending this far in altered consciousness during play. It is not at all uncommon for a bottom to not be able to form the decision necessary to use a safeword during intense play induced space.

I have never heard a sub/bottom complain about entering or experiencing altered space, and in fact I have often heard it described as similar to the euphoria of post-orgasmic haze. I can say that if it is anything like the pleasure I experience while in a Top-driven space, then it is likely semi-addictive.

I think it is very likely that like so many parts of the human pleasure spectrum sub-space is different for each person who experiences it. And that I am quite confident I do in fact have the knowledge on which to base my comments.

 

 

 

Tags: BDSM, bottom, pain, Play, submissive, subspace, Top, Training

Drop and Aftercare, A Discussion

A Dominant that I know was telling me she was not feeling very “up” when I was talking to her recently. Now while I know she has a lot going on in her life I also knew she had played several times in one night just a few nights previous. I asked her if Top drop could have been contributing to her low spirits. When she asked what I was talking about it got me thinking about how often I had heard; “What is Top Drop?” or “What is sub drop”. Often when I hear this the speaker has heard of one but not the other.  It also got me considering the role of aftercare in combating or minimizing Drop.

I am not qualified to discuss all of the medical reasons for psychological drop, but my understanding is that it is at least partially caused by the evacuation or absence after the fact of chemicals the brain uses to cope with situations of stress. Drop is experienced by athletes and adventurers, as well as many other people after high stress situations. Have you ever gotten very high from an emergency like a car accident, only to find the following days that you have a feeling of being adrift?

While a Top and a bottom in BDSM experience different stress triggers and excitements, both produce body responses that brain must process and recover from. Whether it is a physical scene or a psychological one, the top receives pleasure while exerting emotional and mental control while the bottom produces chemical reactions to protect from the full effects of the treatment they are receiving.

But there are also very psychological components to Drop. Whether they be feelings of abandonment, being off balance, or simply wondering about their worth, a bottom has many emotions to process in the days following a heavy scene. » Read the full post

Tags: aftercare, bottom, Dominant, drop, Masochist, Sadist, submissive, Top