Posts tagged Sex
What Makes Me Hot II
Aug 31st
A few months ago I wrote a post about my general distaste for erotica and BDSM fiction and at the same time pointed to a short pieced written by @Mollena that I love called What Makes Me Hot. Well I have often on twitter expressed my similar distaste for what I refer to as Tumblr Porn. Tumblr Porn is the oft re-blogged over-produced unrealistic images that are the staple of Tumblr. In my opinion Tumblr has become the Playboy magazine of the micro-blogging world. Images that are contrived and modified to the point of being unrealistic and they certainly do not turn me on, or inspire me as art.
And just when I was ready to write the medium off for good I found the exception. And in my not so humble opinion an
MyNudeSelf - Biter - 23 August 2010
astonishing exception. I am talking about My Nude Self. The personal daily photo blog of Dame Lebeau “aka” @SugarHipsLebeau.
MyNudeSelf - Accidental Vintage Glamour? - 22 August 2010
What makes Dame Lebeau’s blog so special? I thought you’d never ask. In the first place all of the content is original photography by Dame Lebeau herself, and she is her only model. And the photography is exquisite. The lighting, the angles, and the framing are perfect for every shot. Secondly the model is absolutely stunning in facial beauty and in body. Now this is something very unusual for me to say, because I truly do not have a body type., in sie or shape. However I am rapt with the presentation in these photos. And on a more personal note there are certain physical characteristics that fit a very specific kink of mine, but I happily digress.
The thing that has most drawn me to the self presentation of Dame Lebeau though
MyNudeSelf - Stagnation - 18 August 2010
is the fact that she is what can best be described as an alternate presentation of beauty. that is she is tattooed and otherwise not mainstream in her presentation. However and most importantly in my opinion her “Alternate” look is not presented as a fetish or a “peek at the other kind” as the very well known Suicide Girls so often presents. The artists also lets us in on her very best work, not a mass presentation of bulk “Spray and Pray” shots.
Finally the artist has a very unique approach to funding her project. She politely asks for help. How refreshing this is in an environment on the internet of recurring billing for worthy projects, a simple request is so refreshing. So if you enjoy this art as much as I do, please contribute. and tell her Big Poppa sent ya.
I’m Here, I’m Queer???
Aug 23rd
I have lately given much thought to labels and how we choose and use them. I have for sometime used the label “Pansexual”. I use this to indicate that my sexual appetite is not limited by gender barriers. I am in fact sexually greedy and find I have desires and the will to have sexual contact with just about any gender configuration imaginable. I intentionally avoid “Bi-Sexual” as the binary term irritates me and also seems to indicate a sort of switching back and forth. At least to me.
Lately there has been a word, no an idea that has been bouncing around my head. Queer! Wow, what a loaded word. A word I am drawn to but yet cannot decide if it fits.
I am not going to get into the etymology and origins of the word. I am only concerned with it’s current usage as a word of empowerment.
I am going to think aloud a bit and invite you as I so often have to take a front row seat to the bizarre thought process that is me.
My first question; Am I Worthy? On the one hand I am not only a greedy fucker, but I so completely support the politics that is the Queer movement, that I am almost certainly a part of it. But make no mistake. My current state of being is the result of a personal epiphany in my early twenties and a slow evolution since then. It is not easy to say this, but previous to the above stated revelation, I was a sexual bigot. I make no excuses but I was raised in an environment of Racial, Religious, and Sexual Hate. For reasons I have not yet discerned I was able to completely refuse to accept the first two, yet embraced the third. One theory is that it was a way to externalize a reaction to being sexualized by a male relative at a young age, but even that smells like an excuse, so I reject it. What is true is I accept responsibility for my attitudes and have spent the rest of my life trying to correct them.
Next question; How can I be Queer and look and act so appropriate for my gender? OK, maybe a bit of a silly question, but think about it. How many “Queer” Uber-Butch Cis-Males do you know? On the other hand, I have spent my entire life setting myself aside from the crowd appearance and action wise. In Xtian School I refused to sing hymns or kneel and pray. Not that either of these would have been hard to at least fake, but I made conscious choices to set myself apart in every way I could. In my teens I had both of my ears pierced in multiple locations. Now for this to have full impact you need to know that I am as old as dirt and this was before George Michael made this look at least remotely popular. And until my growing forehead made it just silly looking I had hair to my waist for decades. And now long after such things are sensible, I have started wearing gauged earrings. Of course none of these things makes me even remotely Queer, but do speak to a lifelong desire to set myself outside the crowd.
In the end the biggest question is one that I find the hardest to address; Do other Queers want me using their word, their empowerment, their symbol of struggle? This is an odd position to find myself in. Caring what others think, but I do. As someone who has married into the Native American community I am painfully familiar with how a people that are proud, yet steeped in struggle can have their culture and symbols of power appropriated by those who neither understand nor deserve these things. In using the title Queer would I be no better than a New-age Shamanist with a dreamcatcher hanging from my car mirror, telling folks that my great grandmother was a Cherokee Princess? This one Is the greatest hang-up.
In the balance I am quite aware that it does not matter what I call myself. But yet this is the itch on my brain these days.
Keep Your Ejaculate Out Of My Cocktail
Jan 19th
I was recently looking at the website for a dungeon about 3000 miles away
from my home. The location is someplace I hope to travel to at some point. In looking through the various information I came a cross the FAQ. Listed were standard items like membership costs and dress code. Then I came across something that made my jaw drop.
What kinds of play don’t you allow?No scat please. It’s messy.
No male ejaculation please. It’s messy.
No female ejaculation please. It’s messy.
No sex. It CAN be messy, but mostly it just treads a line that we’re not quite comfortable with.
Ok hold that phone. First, am I to understand that they object to sex and ejaculate for the same reasons the object to scat?
Reading this lead me to comment on twitter and of course lead to a much larger conversation. Sex in the Dungeon. I know it can be a legal issue in some states but barring that why would you exclude it?
I know that there are folks that would argue that BDSM can be gratifying without sex but I have long wondered if there is more going on there. I mean the concept of kinky implies sex, or at least sexual contact and gratification. That is not to say that I have not played a scene without genital contact. I have and will likely do it again. Not that the scene was not fun, but it frankly lacked certain satisfaction for me. By satisfaction I am not referring to my own orgasm, but completeness to the scene.
Personally I use sexual stimulation often as a balance to the pain I am inflicting. One of the people I was chatting with on Twitter asked; What if a submissive or bottom orgasms involuntarily from pain play? Would they be in violation of this dungeon’s rules?
Of course my perspective is from someone who discovered their kinky self through sex, so separating kink from sex is nearly impossible for me.
In the San Francisco Bay Area we have two major dungeons. One, in San Francisco I like to think of as our home dungeon, as it was the first dungeon we ever played publicly. If you ask the regulars and the operators of the dungeon, sex and sexual contact is welcome, although I would say that in the many times I have played there I have only see intercourse once and there was much talk about the participants in the following days. I have used sexual stimulation and orgasm many times in this dungeon but would unlikely ever feel comfortable enough to ejaculate.
There is another dungeon in the Bay Area which I have only played at once but enjoyed quite a bit. I am told it is affectionately referred to by folks that play there as “The place people go to fuck”. I did not have a chance but would say I would be quite comfortable having sex there.
The conversation on twitter moved to regular public play parties in Michigan and that sex is not allowed as well as genital or female nipple nudity. However alcohol is served at many of the public parties. It was also suggested that parties at which alcohol was not served did not survive due to low attendance.
I have to say that my reaction is stunned. I am a person who enjoys a drink, and sometimes more than one, but in my opinion alcohol and play do not mix. How can I trust that the bottom I am playing with can look after themselves if they have half a buzz? Inversely, how can a bottom trust that a top is in tune with all the subtleties of play required of them when they may not be able to legally operate a vehicle?
Both of these variations fascinate me but not enough that I would likely consider playing in either of these circumstances.
A Journey Begins
Jan 6th
NOTE: This is a edited and extended version of a Formspring Answer from several weeks ago.
When Jewelgen and I met in 1991 we were both epic sluts. I was in the middle of an ugly divorce and she was young and free. We met at my brother’s house and after a short while of me thinking she was way out of my league we dated for the pure intention of having sex. After a movie date we went back to my house and did just that. We fucked each others brains out. Almost immediately we started spending every free minute together fucking. After a few weeks of this we both realized that we actually enjoyed each others company and wanted to be together. Well I mentioned the idea and Jewelgen called and canceled all of her other action. Mine was easier to cut off as I was more of a find-a-fuck-a-day sort of player.
We both thought at this time that monogamy was what you did when you fell in love and so we proceeded. We eventually married a few years later after the birth of our first child.
We have always engaged in what we came to later realize was called “Take Down” play in the kink world and I have always dominated all of my partners sexually. However we did not know other people did what we did. Quite frankly we thought we were the only ones who did the crazy shit we do. We had very close friends that would not stay at our house because they did not know how to handle the sounds from our bedroom. In retrospect it was a bit nonconsensual to include them in that way.
Then a bit over 3 years ago we found some nipple clamps in a local shop and found that they fit well within what we did and a light bulb went off for both of us.
We then did what we do whenever we find something we love to do, we jumped in with all four feet. We scoured the internet. We attended every class we could find. And we read voraciously.
In our effort to read everything ever published on BDSM I discovered Greenery Press, and purchased a stack of their books at a bookstore and we proceeded to read. When I got to The Ethical Slut I thought it was just another book on Kink. I started reading it and immediately knew I stumbled upon something revolutionary. Now it is important to note that I love to think and consider ideas that are new or different from my own, and at that point that was all it appeared to be. By the time I finished the book I knew it was something I had to show to Jewelgen. Not because I was trying to drag her into the ideas I had read but because I knew she would love to at least read about it also.
When I handed The Ethical Slut to Jewelgen I told her that it was a fascinating book of ideas and I wanted her to read it but not think I was trying to suggest a huge change in our relationship. I also told her I didn’t want to really discuss it until she was done reading. She agreed and read it cover to cover in the next couple of days. We started talking and knew that this was something that made too much sense to ignore. Especially given that we are a couple of ex sluts who have always acknowledged our ability to separate sex and emotion. We have acknowledged for years that if our marriage ever failed we would still get together to fuck.
We laid out a sort of path that began with what we called “Play Poly” and had many rules and it felt very comfortable. We started by introducing “Co-Play”. That is the two of us playing with other individuals or couples, and it went very well. The first time seeing each other interact with other people was a bit jarring but we spent much time talking through each issue and were very successful.
We have had several severe stutter steps, as we like to call it in our Poly Journey, and most all of them come from my moving forward in areas that Jewelgen was not yet comfortable with at the time. I think the most important being my forming an emotional attachment to a third party without Jewelgen’s consent. However Jewelgen has an amazing capacity for forgiveness and we both have a commitment to communications and each other.
One of the most wonderful parts or our journey has been finding our love for Ice_Empress. We would have never thought that we both could become so emotionally invested in other people, much less both of us in one person. However we have and we do not regret it one bit. We hope she is part of our journey and partnership for the future.
(To Be Continued. . . . . )
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