Keep Your Ejaculate Out Of My Cocktail
I was recently looking at the website for a dungeon about 3000 miles away
from my home. The location is someplace I hope to travel to at some point. In looking through the various information I came a cross the FAQ. Listed were standard items like membership costs and dress code. Then I came across something that made my jaw drop.
What kinds of play don’t you allow?No scat please. It’s messy.
No male ejaculation please. It’s messy.
No female ejaculation please. It’s messy.
No sex. It CAN be messy, but mostly it just treads a line that we’re not quite comfortable with.
Ok hold that phone. First, am I to understand that they object to sex and ejaculate for the same reasons the object to scat?
Reading this lead me to comment on twitter and of course lead to a much larger conversation. Sex in the Dungeon. I know it can be a legal issue in some states but barring that why would you exclude it?
I know that there are folks that would argue that BDSM can be gratifying without sex but I have long wondered if there is more going on there. I mean the concept of kinky implies sex, or at least sexual contact and gratification. That is not to say that I have not played a scene without genital contact. I have and will likely do it again. Not that the scene was not fun, but it frankly lacked certain satisfaction for me. By satisfaction I am not referring to my own orgasm, but completeness to the scene.
Personally I use sexual stimulation often as a balance to the pain I am inflicting. One of the people I was chatting with on Twitter asked; What if a submissive or bottom orgasms involuntarily from pain play? Would they be in violation of this dungeon’s rules?
Of course my perspective is from someone who discovered their kinky self through sex, so separating kink from sex is nearly impossible for me.
In the San Francisco Bay Area we have two major dungeons. One, in San Francisco I like to think of as our home dungeon, as it was the first dungeon we ever played publicly. If you ask the regulars and the operators of the dungeon, sex and sexual contact is welcome, although I would say that in the many times I have played there I have only see intercourse once and there was much talk about the participants in the following days. I have used sexual stimulation and orgasm many times in this dungeon but would unlikely ever feel comfortable enough to ejaculate.
There is another dungeon in the Bay Area which I have only played at once but enjoyed quite a bit. I am told it is affectionately referred to by folks that play there as “The place people go to fuck”. I did not have a chance but would say I would be quite comfortable having sex there.
The conversation on twitter moved to regular public play parties in Michigan and that sex is not allowed as well as genital or female nipple nudity. However alcohol is served at many of the public parties. It was also suggested that parties at which alcohol was not served did not survive due to low attendance.
I have to say that my reaction is stunned. I am a person who enjoys a drink, and sometimes more than one, but in my opinion alcohol and play do not mix. How can I trust that the bottom I am playing with can look after themselves if they have half a buzz? Inversely, how can a bottom trust that a top is in tune with all the subtleties of play required of them when they may not be able to legally operate a vehicle?
Both of these variations fascinate me but not enough that I would likely consider playing in either of these circumstances.
