Saynine

If You Breathe and Can Give Consent . . .

When Jewelgen and I decided to explore ideas of being Poly and playing with other people we discussed many different scenarios. It is a comfortable way to work through ideas and fears. We did a lot of “What If” and then answered each other honestly. It was a way to discover each others comfort levels and I think both of us were surprised with how easy it felt.

@jewelgen mentioned that she was interested in exploring with women, and I was not at all surprised. She had never mentioned an interest in Women but I suspected that she was open to the idea.

But nagging in the back of my head was something that I knew we had to talk about. I had realized long before that I was sexually attracted to many different types of folks, including Males, Trans people, and other genders. However I had never expressed this to Jewelgen. It took me a few weeks but I finally told her. I wasn’t worried about her response. I had seen her drooling of gay porn and I knew she had a definite kink for seeing men together.

My concerns when I really thought about it were less tangible, but I think what I felt was that once I put it to words I could no longer deny it. I would never feel OK not being upfront about it after that.

Of course Jewelgen took it as I knew she would, with great support and no concerns.

When I really started thinking about what I was, Bi-Sexual just didn’t seem to describe what I felt like. In my mind Bi-Sexual is someone who bonds emotionally as well as being sexually attracted to males and females. But this didn’t really describe how I felt. While sexually attracted to all genders I do not feel the emotional bond I do with females. A little reading lead me to the term Pansexual . It seemed to encompass my sexual attitude.

At a munch we sometime attend introductions are made around the room. When they get to me I sometimes say “I am a Pansexual Dom, which means if you breathe and can give consent, I will beat you and fuck you”

I am Pan! Io Pan! Io Pan Pan! Pan!
I am thy mate, I am thy man,
Goat of thy flock, I am gold, I am god,
Flesh to thy bone, flower to thy rod.
With hoofs of steel I race on the rocks
Through solstice stubborn to equinox.
I rave; and I rape and I rip and I rend
Everlasting, world without end,
Mannikin, maiden, maenad, man,
In the might of Pan.
Io Pan! Io Pan Pan! Pan! Io Pan!

Excerpt from Hymn To Pan – Aleister Crowley, 1929

Thank you @JustOnyx for the inspiration on the quote

Tags: Bi-Sexual, Gender, Pansexual

A Journey Begins

NOTE: This is a edited and extended version of a Formspring Answer from several weeks ago.

When Jewelgen and I met in 1991 we were both epic sluts. I was in the middle of an ugly divorce and she was young and free. We met at my brother’s house and after a short while of me thinking she was way out of my league we dated for the pure intention of having sex. After a movie date we went back to my house and did just that. We fucked each others brains out. Almost immediately we started spending every free minute together fucking. After a few weeks of this we both realized that we actually enjoyed each others company and wanted to be together. Well I mentioned the idea and Jewelgen called and canceled all of her other action. Mine was easier to cut off as I was more of a find-a-fuck-a-day sort of player.

We both thought at this time that monogamy was what you did when you fell in love and so we proceeded. We eventually married a few years later after the birth of our first child.

We have always engaged in what we came to later realize was called “Take Down” play in the kink world and I have always dominated all of my partners sexually. However we did not know other people did what we did. Quite frankly we thought we were the only ones who did the crazy shit we do. We had very close friends that would not stay at our house because they did not know how to handle the sounds from our bedroom. In retrospect it was a bit nonconsensual to include them in that way.

Then a bit over 3 years ago we found some nipple clamps in a local shop and found that they fit well within what we did and a light bulb went off for both of us.

We then did what we do whenever we find something we love to do, we jumped in with all four feet. We scoured the internet. We attended every class we could find. And we read voraciously.

In our effort to read everything ever published on BDSM I discovered Greenery Press, and purchased a stack of their books at a bookstore and we proceeded to read. When I got to The Ethical Slut I thought it was just another book on Kink. I started reading it and immediately knew I stumbled upon something revolutionary. Now it is important to note that I love to think and consider ideas that are new or different from my own, and at that point that was all it appeared to be. By the time I finished the book I knew it was something I had to show to Jewelgen. Not because I was trying to drag her into the ideas I had read but because I knew she would love to at least read about it also.

When I handed The Ethical Slut to Jewelgen I told her that it was a fascinating book of ideas and I wanted her to read it but not think I was trying to suggest a huge change in our relationship. I also told her I didn’t want to really discuss it until she was done reading. She agreed and read it cover to cover in the next couple of days. We started talking and knew that this was something that made too much sense to ignore. Especially given that we are a couple of ex sluts who have always acknowledged our ability to separate sex and emotion. We have acknowledged for years that if our marriage ever failed we would still get together to fuck.

We laid out a sort of path that began with what we called “Play Poly” and had many rules and it felt very comfortable. We started by introducing “Co-Play”. That is the two of us playing with other individuals or couples, and it went very well. The first time seeing each other interact with other people was a bit jarring but we spent much time talking through each issue and were very successful.

We have had several severe stutter steps, as we like to call it in our Poly Journey, and most all of them come from my moving forward in areas that Jewelgen was not yet comfortable with at the time. I think the most important being my forming an emotional attachment to a third party without Jewelgen’s consent. However Jewelgen has an amazing capacity for forgiveness and we both have a commitment to communications and each other.

One of the most wonderful parts or our journey has been finding our love for Ice_Empress. We would have never thought that we both could become so emotionally invested in other people, much less both of us in one person. However we have and we do not regret it one bit. We hope she is part of our journey and partnership for the future.

(To Be Continued. . . . . )

Tags: BDSM, Monogamy, Poly, Polyamory, Sex, Slut, The Ethical Slut