Comments on: The One About the Breakup. http://say-nine.com/04/the-one-about-the-breakup/ This Is Going To Hurt You More Than It Hurts Me Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:36:22 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Blade http://say-nine.com/04/the-one-about-the-breakup/comment-page-1/#comment-156 Blade Tue, 22 Jun 2010 23:18:00 +0000 http://say-nine.com/?p=299#comment-156 They say 'breaking up is hard to do'... and your situation is no different. <br>I had a similar experience with a... let's call her a sub... with a vindictive streak a mile wide that couldn't handle the arrangement as intended... led to some interesting rumours flying around and my walking away from a number of people I had considered 'decent people'... only to realize their true natures in a time of strife.<br>I didn't need that (or them) and neither do you.<br>Good to hear that the two of you are back on the proverbial horse - as you said the community is small. I'd almost suggest for you to reacquaint yourselves with those in the community that you had connection with previous to the whole Aliah incident. Not to renegotiate any relationships (bridges tend to stay burned - regardless of who sets fire to them) but simply to suss out the issues and to demonstrate a sense of 'moving forward'... the more normal you appear through this whole silly ordeal, the less stigma gets heaped onto you and Jewel.<br>Sadly, as HisTurtle posted previously, it's high school all over again. Emotionally charged neuroticism at its finest. They say 'breaking up is hard to do'… and your situation is no different.
I had a similar experience with a… let's call her a sub… with a vindictive streak a mile wide that couldn't handle the arrangement as intended… led to some interesting rumours flying around and my walking away from a number of people I had considered 'decent people'… only to realize their true natures in a time of strife.
I didn't need that (or them) and neither do you.
Good to hear that the two of you are back on the proverbial horse – as you said the community is small. I'd almost suggest for you to reacquaint yourselves with those in the community that you had connection with previous to the whole Aliah incident. Not to renegotiate any relationships (bridges tend to stay burned – regardless of who sets fire to them) but simply to suss out the issues and to demonstrate a sense of 'moving forward'… the more normal you appear through this whole silly ordeal, the less stigma gets heaped onto you and Jewel.
Sadly, as HisTurtle posted previously, it's high school all over again. Emotionally charged neuroticism at its finest.

]]> By: His turtle http://say-nine.com/04/the-one-about-the-breakup/comment-page-1/#comment-152 His turtle Fri, 28 May 2010 18:33:21 +0000 http://say-nine.com/?p=299#comment-152 Saynine,<br>It is unfortunate to experience an outcast of sorts; however, what I have learned through my short 37 years is that we truly never leave "high school" regardless of kinky or not. The people we were in high school, in elementary school tend to stay with us and as many know, segregating and snubbing people are age old behaviours. I do hope that doors will open again and you will be welcomed like you were before. <br><br>Every relationship is individual and I know that many people do not understand what me and Master have and the people we involve and so I will not assume to understand everything that goes on and has been arranged/agreed upon for you and Jewelgen; however, I confess when I read about "Calvin" I could not help but think of all those pacts I have made with friends that involve not dating, not having sex, not being intimate with anyone any of them have liked, currently like or any other intimate feelings. Although Aliah stated she was okay, my first instinct is "no she is not". Perhaps it is woman's intuition, perhaps it is from past experience, it just seemed careless on both of your parts to go further with any intimacy with Calvin. With that said, not my relationship, not my experience, I was not there and you all did what you believed was right, unfortunately it did not turn out as lovely as everyone hoped. <br><br>I do hope that you are able to resurface in your kink community and embrace others and be embraced. <br><br>Wishing you well.<br>~His Saynine,
It is unfortunate to experience an outcast of sorts; however, what I have learned through my short 37 years is that we truly never leave “high school” regardless of kinky or not. The people we were in high school, in elementary school tend to stay with us and as many know, segregating and snubbing people are age old behaviours. I do hope that doors will open again and you will be welcomed like you were before.

Every relationship is individual and I know that many people do not understand what me and Master have and the people we involve and so I will not assume to understand everything that goes on and has been arranged/agreed upon for you and Jewelgen; however, I confess when I read about “Calvin” I could not help but think of all those pacts I have made with friends that involve not dating, not having sex, not being intimate with anyone any of them have liked, currently like or any other intimate feelings. Although Aliah stated she was okay, my first instinct is “no she is not”. Perhaps it is woman's intuition, perhaps it is from past experience, it just seemed careless on both of your parts to go further with any intimacy with Calvin. With that said, not my relationship, not my experience, I was not there and you all did what you believed was right, unfortunately it did not turn out as lovely as everyone hoped.

I do hope that you are able to resurface in your kink community and embrace others and be embraced.

Wishing you well.
~His

]]> By: Kyle http://say-nine.com/04/the-one-about-the-breakup/comment-page-1/#comment-150 Kyle Wed, 21 Apr 2010 23:54:25 +0000 http://say-nine.com/?p=299#comment-150 What you've described sounds painful but you're both obviously determined to grow from it. Good for you, and good luck in the future. What you've described sounds painful but you're both obviously determined to grow from it. Good for you, and good luck in the future.

]]> By: Jade http://say-nine.com/04/the-one-about-the-breakup/comment-page-1/#comment-149 Jade Wed, 21 Apr 2010 06:49:24 +0000 http://say-nine.com/?p=299#comment-149 Writing about a break-up is difficult, and can be problematic, especially when your intent is not to call anyone out or malign anyone, but simply share your thoughts & feelings on it. I sat on my own break-up for 3 months before even alluding to it in my own blog, but finally, like you, I NEEDED to write about it, for ME. Because blogging, in the end (for me) IS about me--my experiences, my feelings, my thoughts. I use it to process as much as share, and I couldn't not talk about it. <br><br>But, as the comment from one of your readers shows, talking about it publicly has its own dangers. I disagree with him that you should have not written about it. If you feel the need to write about it, it's yours to write about. Yes, there is another side to things, but you can only write about what you know, and have no obligation to try to conjecture about the rest, or even to say anything else--this is YOUR space, no one else's. And it was pretty obvious to me (who has no real-life connection with you or the ppl involved) that you weren't "whining" about party invitations. As you say, the kink community is small, being subjected to rejection by those in it, ppl you called friend in the past, hurts. <br><br>I wish you and Jewelgen well. Writing about a break-up is difficult, and can be problematic, especially when your intent is not to call anyone out or malign anyone, but simply share your thoughts & feelings on it. I sat on my own break-up for 3 months before even alluding to it in my own blog, but finally, like you, I NEEDED to write about it, for ME. Because blogging, in the end (for me) IS about me–my experiences, my feelings, my thoughts. I use it to process as much as share, and I couldn't not talk about it.

But, as the comment from one of your readers shows, talking about it publicly has its own dangers. I disagree with him that you should have not written about it. If you feel the need to write about it, it's yours to write about. Yes, there is another side to things, but you can only write about what you know, and have no obligation to try to conjecture about the rest, or even to say anything else–this is YOUR space, no one else's. And it was pretty obvious to me (who has no real-life connection with you or the ppl involved) that you weren't “whining” about party invitations. As you say, the kink community is small, being subjected to rejection by those in it, ppl you called friend in the past, hurts.

I wish you and Jewelgen well.

]]> By: Jewelgen http://say-nine.com/04/the-one-about-the-breakup/comment-page-1/#comment-147 Jewelgen Wed, 14 Apr 2010 10:56:34 +0000 http://say-nine.com/?p=299#comment-147 thank you to those who had support to give. I guess I missed the disclaimer on here that says "On this blog the complete story, that is admissible in a court of law, will be told" That is how blogs work, I think grrltragic said it best. <br><br>Gosh,with the support and adult behavior I will rush out and get to work trying to be friends with people who only pretend to kind to you, who only seek one side of the story, who attack and call it all in "good fun". Yup, that is just what I need in my life....wait.... not really. <br><br>It saddens me to see what get joy some are getting out of bashing. <br><br>PS: this is all simply how I feel....assuming it is still allowed to voice how one feels in America. thank you to those who had support to give. I guess I missed the disclaimer on here that says “On this blog the complete story, that is admissible in a court of law, will be told” That is how blogs work, I think grrltragic said it best.

Gosh,with the support and adult behavior I will rush out and get to work trying to be friends with people who only pretend to kind to you, who only seek one side of the story, who attack and call it all in “good fun”. Yup, that is just what I need in my life….wait…. not really.

It saddens me to see what get joy some are getting out of bashing.

PS: this is all simply how I feel….assuming it is still allowed to voice how one feels in America.

]]> By: grrltragic http://say-nine.com/04/the-one-about-the-breakup/comment-page-1/#comment-146 grrltragic Mon, 12 Apr 2010 06:40:21 +0000 http://say-nine.com/?p=299#comment-146 This similar situation happens around here within the swinging circles. It *almost* happened to Love and I but it was quickly averted before anything intimate had a chance to occur, mostly because we heard the rumblings in time from others peripherally involved, they'd experienced the same type of drama with the same people who were trying to play with us. We completely stepped down from the scene which we likely shouldn't have because its hella hard to get back on that horse sometimes, but we also learned much in the process. We're avoiding that particular group from now on, but as you've said: the community is small, and I'd imagine much smaller when it comes to full on kink. Its really hard to move on, and sometimes it gets really messy as well..<br><br>As for the commentor who believes that you didn't tell the entire story: Well maybe not, but that isn't necessary really, this blog is YOUR journey and YOUR feelings/experiences. Nobody ever said you need to analyze the experiences and emotions of every single person you come into contact with, we (or at least I) read your words because I care about YOU and what YOU are feeling. <br><br>A wise man (my beloved father, RIP) once told me that there are always three sides to any/every story anyway: His, Hers, and The Truth. Nobody can ever know any of those 100% even if they were there and its impossible to reconcile all three at all so maybe we'll just continue to share in YOUR words as you grow and share what bits of your journey that you can because for some of us: Its enlightening and inspirational and oftentimes quite entertaining: good, bad and ugly.<br><br>Thank you. This similar situation happens around here within the swinging circles. It *almost* happened to Love and I but it was quickly averted before anything intimate had a chance to occur, mostly because we heard the rumblings in time from others peripherally involved, they'd experienced the same type of drama with the same people who were trying to play with us. We completely stepped down from the scene which we likely shouldn't have because its hella hard to get back on that horse sometimes, but we also learned much in the process. We're avoiding that particular group from now on, but as you've said: the community is small, and I'd imagine much smaller when it comes to full on kink. Its really hard to move on, and sometimes it gets really messy as well..

As for the commentor who believes that you didn't tell the entire story: Well maybe not, but that isn't necessary really, this blog is YOUR journey and YOUR feelings/experiences. Nobody ever said you need to analyze the experiences and emotions of every single person you come into contact with, we (or at least I) read your words because I care about YOU and what YOU are feeling.

A wise man (my beloved father, RIP) once told me that there are always three sides to any/every story anyway: His, Hers, and The Truth. Nobody can ever know any of those 100% even if they were there and its impossible to reconcile all three at all so maybe we'll just continue to share in YOUR words as you grow and share what bits of your journey that you can because for some of us: Its enlightening and inspirational and oftentimes quite entertaining: good, bad and ugly.

Thank you.

]]> By: Catwoman69y2k http://say-nine.com/04/the-one-about-the-breakup/comment-page-1/#comment-145 Catwoman69y2k Mon, 12 Apr 2010 06:33:26 +0000 http://say-nine.com/?p=299#comment-145 Saynine seems like he thought this out. He really has been sitting on this a while and mentions why it is hard to talk about. Usually one so quick to call it quits (rather than make an effort to see if compromise can be reached) and write about it when emotions are still high (and the blood from the wounds still fresh) are the ones that are more likely to step into manure <br><br>This is less about Saynine being butthurt about the lack of party invites. While people local and in the scene were encouraging them, people that Saynine deemed close friends suddenly did a 180 on them. If they were people they didnt know, I could easily say it was a sign of butthurt. However, people that you ARE SUPPOSED to be close to snubbing and reneging invites without really any desire to discus things first....thats just rude and I think they have every right to be hurt over it.<br><br>I will simply have to agree to disagree here. Saynine did NOT mention names. He used substitute names so that no one was getting called out. In this situation, the only way anyone would know whom he is speaking of is if they knew him really well (like Jewelgen) or the person this is about commented here and alluded to this being about her (like if she wanted to get on here and call him out). With names removed/changed and no deep delving into anal retentive details of the events, this entry leaves us with the situation and story which overall is the most important.<br><br>Intention is everything. Saynine seems like he thought this out. He really has been sitting on this a while and mentions why it is hard to talk about. Usually one so quick to call it quits (rather than make an effort to see if compromise can be reached) and write about it when emotions are still high (and the blood from the wounds still fresh) are the ones that are more likely to step into manure

This is less about Saynine being butthurt about the lack of party invites. While people local and in the scene were encouraging them, people that Saynine deemed close friends suddenly did a 180 on them. If they were people they didnt know, I could easily say it was a sign of butthurt. However, people that you ARE SUPPOSED to be close to snubbing and reneging invites without really any desire to discus things first….thats just rude and I think they have every right to be hurt over it.

I will simply have to agree to disagree here. Saynine did NOT mention names. He used substitute names so that no one was getting called out. In this situation, the only way anyone would know whom he is speaking of is if they knew him really well (like Jewelgen) or the person this is about commented here and alluded to this being about her (like if she wanted to get on here and call him out). With names removed/changed and no deep delving into anal retentive details of the events, this entry leaves us with the situation and story which overall is the most important.

Intention is everything.

]]> By: vincent Rose http://say-nine.com/04/the-one-about-the-breakup/comment-page-1/#comment-144 vincent Rose Mon, 12 Apr 2010 06:24:30 +0000 http://say-nine.com/?p=299#comment-144 That was sad dude. Sighs I worry about the same thing occurring. Right now My wife and I are seeing a "friend" together. Things will probably be ending soon, at least on our friend and my part. She wants something more casual, I am not going to be able to handle that. I hope that their aren't any repercussions, and I hope my wife and she can continue their play and friendship. That was sad dude. Sighs I worry about the same thing occurring. Right now My wife and I are seeing a “friend” together. Things will probably be ending soon, at least on our friend and my part. She wants something more casual, I am not going to be able to handle that. I hope that their aren't any repercussions, and I hope my wife and she can continue their play and friendship.

]]> By: Warrior http://say-nine.com/04/the-one-about-the-breakup/comment-page-1/#comment-143 Warrior Sun, 11 Apr 2010 22:43:36 +0000 http://say-nine.com/?p=299#comment-143 I'm not sure why you found it necessary to air your dirty laundry and whine about not being invited to parties. Seems to me that the honorable thing would be to let it go and move on with your life without all the fanfare. Obviously you are new to the scene and have much to learn about how communities work. As someone who's been around for awhile, I think I can safely say that your behavior has caused you more harm than good. What you forgot to tell in your blog was the complete story. No one is ever completely blameless, especially one who yells the loudest. It is usually that person who has the most to conceal. Shame on you!<br>The bridge has been burned and now it's time for you to get out your tools and start with the repairs. I'm not sure why you found it necessary to air your dirty laundry and whine about not being invited to parties. Seems to me that the honorable thing would be to let it go and move on with your life without all the fanfare. Obviously you are new to the scene and have much to learn about how communities work. As someone who's been around for awhile, I think I can safely say that your behavior has caused you more harm than good. What you forgot to tell in your blog was the complete story. No one is ever completely blameless, especially one who yells the loudest. It is usually that person who has the most to conceal. Shame on you!
The bridge has been burned and now it's time for you to get out your tools and start with the repairs.

]]> By: Anonymous http://say-nine.com/04/the-one-about-the-breakup/comment-page-1/#comment-142 Anonymous Sat, 10 Apr 2010 08:39:02 +0000 http://say-nine.com/?p=299#comment-142 It sounds like you would have quite a bit to post on Kink Relationships and how to get back into the scene once a relationship ends as it appears you did nothing wrong in this instance. In my opinion it is easier if you don't avoid people you have broken up with especially since the kink scene is so small. It sounds like you would have quite a bit to post on Kink Relationships and how to get back into the scene once a relationship ends as it appears you did nothing wrong in this instance. In my opinion it is easier if you don't avoid people you have broken up with especially since the kink scene is so small.

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