Comments on: What About the Children

By: _sub_girl

_sub_girl — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 17:15:44 +0000

I’m wondering if you plan on writing an update to this post? Personally, I think Ms. Jewel’s feelings were right on target, but I’d love to hear how it’s gone since IceEmpress has moved out.

By: Saynine

Saynine — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 11:12:56 +0000

Thank you so much for your heartfelt comment. It is very appreciated. this is the kind of input that means a lot in this process.

By: Carrie Oakie

Carrie Oakie — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 12:58:11 +0000

My parents lived the swinger life during the last few years my sister & I were in high school. It was rough, I had bouts of depression and my sister had some major outbursts towards them. I had assumed it was teenage angst & that I was simply too depressed to share a rage like that. Unbeknownst to me, her rage was because she had found out about their escapades. It came to a head one afternoon in the car when she got into a fight with my mom. I was tired of her attitude and tried to talk to her about it when she dropped the bomb on me. I was so blind-sided; I started thinking about all the times they had gone off for hours at night, leaving us at home (we were old enough at this point) and how we'd tried calling them and they'd never answer or if they did they would be annoyed at us. The fight was suddenly between the four of us, yelling, slamming doors, at one point it was violent.

I think this all came about from confusion; we were told all while growing up one man, one woman, love your spouse and so on. So learning this and not understanding the lifestyle, it did a number on us. We didn't speak to our parents, I personally left the house for a week. As an adult, I've learned more and have a curiosity about multiple partners. I admit that I have issues when it comes to relationships and trust from the example that I was given. I believe that if they had handled the situation differently I'd have a different story.

This was a long rant for a first time commenter, but really, I wanted to thank you for thinking about the children. My parents did not think much further past keeping us in the house for a night. It really does have an effect (affect?) on everyone around you.

By: msjewel

msjewel — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 09:43:57 +0000

Thank you PagenKelly and Pixie for comments. I appreciate different sides to this new situation. I really felt that it will be harder to vilify someone you have gotten to know and like. I do think once Ice Empress is out here and the kids get to know they will like her, who couldn't? I have also considered seeking the input from a Kinky/poly accepting therapist. I believe that Ice Empress having her own house will make several issue easier or non-existent.

I do not want to do our kids what Saynine's mother did to him as a child, that is making him privy to adult matters. Saynine's mother inappropriately confided in him regarding matters that where not for a child's ears, but this is his story to tell.

Our son is at a difficult age and place in his life. There are issues to be worked on and while we have made great improvements in our family relationship, there is still work to be done. I do not want to give any cause for set back or a "reason" for him to be angry. Now don't get me wrong I don't feel that Ice Empress will in any way be the source of issues with our kids, quite the opposite actually. She can provide us with a fresh set of eyes and ears as well as her own experience raising kids/teens. She will provide us with support and love and my greatest hope is that our kids come to see her as a friend they can talk to. The move loving and positive people in my children's live the better!

I can not wait till she is near!!!!!

By: pixie

pixie — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 07:17:55 +0000

I think this is so wonderful for all of you!!! From experience, I send a small heed of warning – I moved in with a couple who had a 15yr old son and 19 yr old daughter in the house. For a long time I would sneak into bed at night late, and out again early, and we never ever ever did anything in front of them to indicate we were 3 in a relationship. However, kids dont always knock and etc and still at 16, son walked in on mom and I one night

Even though the house was very open minded, very non conservative ( dad was a drummer in a band!) – son freaked out, in a bad way and it made life very difficult after that. He even became convinced everyone in the world knew, he couldnt bring friends over because they would know (of course they wouldnt!!), he became angry at all of us – never know how a kids mind is going to go!!

I wish you all the best with this – its going to be beautiful, I am so happy for all of you!!

By: pagankelly

pagankelly — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 18:57:37 +0000

i agree with @jewelgen about just letting the kids get to know @ice_empress on 'our parent's friends' terms. no matter how perceptive or accepting kids are, they could very well put a wall up.

i am truly happy for all 3 of you!!!! in speaking with you guys at differing times, i can tell that you all care for each other. suck a rare thing in this world!!!! *HUGS*