I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine who is a submissive woman regarding playdate safety. More specifically personal safety when meeting a play partner for the first time.

The conversation started like this;

Friend: I am meeting “X Dominant” to play for the first time. “X” lives several hours away and I am driving to meet him.

Me: Do you have a safecall in place?

Friend: No, I feel like that is rude

*Cue sound of screeching brakes and breaking glass*

Me: WTF???

This is of course a paraphrasing of the conversation but for purposes of discussion relatively accurate. It is also something I feel very strongly about. I am a firm believer in safecalls. I just don’t believe that just because someone says all the right “Lifestyle” things that they are not potentially an abusive or even murderous asshole. I also don’t believe that several days, weeks, or months of conversation will reveal these tendencies in a prospective play partner.

When Jewelgen plays with a new partner we have a multiple call system in place. If she is traveling to play she calls me when she arrives at the destination and then at regular intervals she calls or texts. We use every two hours. She makes this known to the person she is meeting. We also have code words that will seem very natural in conversation but would indicate to me that there is a problem and she is under duress. Making the need for the call(s) immediately known to the partner makes the use of code words possible.

But a part of the conversation with my friend that I think is key is the part where she says that she thinks using one is rude. I feel exactly the opposite. Jewelgen and I both feel that if mentioning that you are using a safecall raises any concern or offends a potential play partner there is only one solution, RUN!! But seriously this is a good sign that the person potentially has bad intent.

I want to add one other perspective. I think a potential sub indicating to me that they intend to use a safe call tells me that this is a person who puts much thought to their safety which in my book means they value themselves, which in turn makes me want to value them that much more.

Now before you ask “Do you use a safecall?” The answer is Yes and No. It is unlikely that anyone I would play with would ever be able to overpower me with anything short of a firearm, and at that point even a safecall is not going to save me. However, as part of the general respect I try to show for Jewelgen, I would not go an extended amount of time without contacting her.

The downside is that like any safety procedure overly depending on a safecall and not keeping your wits about you to some degree can be dangerous in itself.

Dating a new person can be dangerous, whether it Vanilla or Kinky dating. Look out for yourself.