Confidence and Broken Fingers
Confidence, knowledge, and intuition. These three things may be what make me what I am. A Dom. A Sexually Dominant Male. I am also a Sexual Sadist. Whether these two are interdependent on each other is debatable. But I do know that without knowledge and intuition I cannot have confidence and confidence is the flag I fly that lets submissives know that I can and will deliver the experience they are looking for.
This is a story of how my confidence nearly failed.
Jewelgen and I had not had an opportunity to play for quite a while. We have teenagers and playing hard while they are in the house simply isn’t an option. An opportunity came up that both the teens would be gone for the weekend and we decided that this would be a very good opportunity to play hard and push in areas we had not explored together.
Our play started slow as we eased away from out equal roles as mates and into our play roles as Dom and submissive. I started with some light spanking and eased into some nipple torture. The progress of the scene was exactly as I hoped and Jewelgen was moving steadily into a subspace. I knew we would be able to move into some bondage and impact play at the rate things were progressing so I ordered her to her knees and blindfolded her with an ace bandage.
I brought out my coils of hemp rope and began by tying her wrists behind her back in an overlapping fashion and tied a harness on her torso so I could pull her hands upward behind her back. From there I began increasing the tit torture and alternated between spanking her tits and ass. All of the signs of deepening subspace that I wanted showed themselves. Her breathing slowed and became steady, she was aware but subdued and accepting the play with an obvious gratefulness.
I continued to change up the play slowly increasing the intensity and mixing in stimulation of her pussy. She reached orgasm several times and I knew my objective was in site. I had wanted to cane her for quite some time, and while we had done some light tapping I wanted to mark her. To see the welts rise on her ass and to hear her gasp from the blows. I tapped for quite some time on her ass and thighs and was beginning to prepare her for “Counting” a favorite game of mine. During impact play I like to give the sub a number, like 10. I tell them that I will be delivering the given number of blows, however they will be responsible for only counting the truly “good” blows, and if they count ones I deem to soft then I will decide which ones get counted.
I noticed though that her shoulders appeared to be uncomfortable and so I released the arms and wrists slightly to allow her some relief. And then I made my second mistake. I removed her blindfold. It had been my intention to do the counting game a little differently. I usually build in intensity but I was going to start of with a very serious blow. She had been quite warmed up and I relished in the surprise of the stinging cane strike on the first count.
I brought my arm with my Rattan Cane back to swing and released. *This is when the movie switches to slow motion* As I swung the cane I saw what was happening but had fully committed to this blow and simply could not stop. Jewelgen had seen the motion of my arm out of the corner of her eye and instinctively dipped her now barely bound hands in front of her ass. Thwack, the cane landed across the knuckle side of 8 fingers. She screamed in agony and I knew instantly that I had broken her fingers. I untied her quickly and got Ice bags and Ibuprofen and set her on the bed. I held her and apologized and I knew I had made a horrible mistake that we would never recover from.
But this is not the nature of my wife. The fingers were not broken. Enormous hematomas appeared on one hand and smaller ones on the other. I held her for hours and apologized profusely. She had to make up some clever stories to explain her fingers at work but she recovered. But, I seriously wondered if I would. This was my fault. I had failed. My knowledge and intuition had not told me that this would happen. How could I trust myself? How could I be confident? Without confidence, could I be a Dom? My God what would Jay Wiseman say?
I struggled with this for quite some time. I played, but it was more subdued. Then the answer came from a very odd place. We attended a class on CBT at the local dungeon and during the class the presenter said “If you don’t make mistakes you aren’t playing hard enough and you are short changing your bottom”. Jay Wiseman snorted. But I thought about what he said, and he was right. My biggest mistake had been not expecting to make mistakes. My knowledge and intuition prepare me to help reduce mistakes and to react quickly and correctly when I do.
Jewelgen has recovered well and generally trusts me in play. I have come back even more confident than before and confidence is what I breathe. I am a Dom.
